Category Archives: Save Your Relationship

Jealousy In Relationships

“Love withers under constraints: its very essence is liberty: it is compatible neither with obedience, jealousy, nor fear: it is there most pure, perfect, and unlimited where its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve.” ~Percy B. Shelley

Jealousy is like poison to a relationship.  It indicates a lack of trust and a surplus of insecurity.

Oftentimes, the jealous partner is with someone who is not trustworthy; however, that is not always the case. There are times when a person is simply insecure despite what their partner is (or is not) doing.

Are you certain that you can’t trust your mate, but you’re still there because you feel that you need proof?  There are ways to find out once and for all.  However, what will you do if you find out that your insecurity is unwarranted?  Will you work on your own issues? Will you continue being jealous or possessive?

A relationship without trust is not much of a relationship at all.  Find out if you can trust your mate and then make your choice.  Choose to love or to leave. Choose to trust or to let go.

If you aren’t willing to risk heartache, you aren’t ready for love.

5 Reasons Why Women Cheat Too and Ways to Prevent It

When it comes to infidelity, men are the usual suspects. It’s a well-known fact that guys are more likely to cheat than women, but that doesn’t change the fact that women cheat too. What is interesting is that the reasons why women cheat are more complex than the reasons of unfaithful men. So, have you ever wondered why women cheat? If so, keep reading.

In an effort to find out what drives a woman to secretly fall into the arms of someone new, I gathered information from women of all ages, races and socioeconomic backgrounds. The results below are your key to understanding the bewildering subject of women and infidelity-from the reasons behind the cheating to the ways you can prevent it.

Top 5 Reasons Why Women Cheat

1. Revenge/Resentment

“Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.” You’ve heard that saying, right? Well, apparently it’s truer than most people realize.

The most common (by far) reason women give for cheating is payback. Even a woman who is normally faithful in relationships may be likely to cheat if she’s heartbroken. Her way of “getting you back” may be taboo, but that doesn’t mean she won’t do it. An unhealthy build-up of resentment and bitterness may be just enough to push your wife or girlfriend to do things that are out of character for her.

Let’s clarify something here: “Revenge cheating” isn’t limited to payback for you cheating on her. A woman who is angry, bitter, and fed up with you about other failures in the relationship is just as likely to cheat as a woman who’s been cheated on.

The best way to prevent this cheating scenario is to reconcile issues that arise in your relationship. Never leave problems unresolved, allowing them to fester. Why not? Women often interpret your unwillingness to address their concerns as evidence that you don’t care enough. With time, she will become increasingly bitter. And that’s the ultimate recipe for infidelity. If you want to keep your woman faithful, show her that you care enough to make sure her heart is not in agony.

2. Quest for romance and intimacy

Although many women fall in love with courtship and the romance that comes with it, it is common for the wooing to die off after a long-term relationship or marriage ensues. Well guess what…there are plenty of guys out there hoping for an opportunity to romance your lady if you won’t do it. And there are, unfortunately, many women cheating with Mr. Romantic. He’ll shower her with flowers, kisses, compliments, and nights on the town while you complain about not having time.

In addition to romance, women seek intimacy. The problem is that in relationships, a man’s idea of intimacy and closeness is very different from a woman’s. You may want sex, but she wants loving foreplay first. She wants to hold hands, but you want to smack her on the butt. She wants to be held, you want to have sex. She wants to lie lovingly in your arms, you want to watch football. She wants to cuddle after sex, you want to go to sleep. Neither your desires nor your wife or girlfriend’s desires are wrong. However, it’s important to have a little give and take if you don’t want her to be taken by someone else.

Don’t wait around for some new guy to flatter her, treat her like a princess, hold her hand and sweep her off her feet. Then you’ll be searching for help with how to get your ex back.  It’s much easier and less painful to save your relationship from infidelity before it starts.

Even if you’ve been married 30 years, continue to do the little things you did to get her in the first place. A little bit of romance and intimacy can be the difference between having a happy wife or a cheating wife.

3. Feeling Unappreciated, Unloved, or Undesired

Instead of being unfaithful because they’ve fallen out of love, most women cheat because they no longer feel loved in returned. They are emotionally starved.

When a woman feels unloved, unappreciated, or taken for granted, she’s extremely vulnerable. She may feel lonely, even though she’s not alone. She may act out as a result of the insecurity that she feels about your feelings for her and about the relationship as a whole.

If your actions (or inaction) tell your wife or girlfriend that she doesn’t matter to you, the relationship is in big trouble. A woman who feels that she doesn’t matter to you is more likely to cheat on you with someone who shows her that she does indeed matter.

This cheating scenario is definitely preventable. If you love your wife or girlfriend, remember to show her in every way. Show her that you appreciate her, desire her, and want to make her happy. Remember to say thank you, using your words and your actions. Remember to value her and provide the sense of security that she’s seeking.

4. Preparing for Breakup

A somewhat surprising reason women cheat is because it’s over in her heart. Rather than ending the relationship upon being fed up, some women cheat as part of a break up plan. If she is emotionally immature, the reason may be because she’s not comfortable with being alone. She wants to test the waters with someone new, find comfort in some else’s arms, get her needs met, and begin a new journey. She’s ready to move on; however, she doesn’t want to let you go in case things with this new guy don’t work out.

A woman who is emotionally mature will typically not choose this path, so the best way to safeguard your heart against this pre-breakup cheating is to choose a woman who isn’t too insecure to be alone. Also, it is important to address the issues in your relationship. If things aren’t going well and you’re drifting apart, talk about it so that you’re both on the same page about where the relationship is headed.

5. Long-term sexual dissatisfaction

We don’t usually hear a lot about women cheating primarily for sexual reasons. However, sex may be a driving factor when the woman cheating is extremely dissatisfied for a long period of time. This issue may come up in situations like the following: you’re unwilling to learn how to satisfy her; you’re opposed to oral sex, foreplay, or other sexual acts that she strongly desires; sex doesn’t last long enough for her to reach orgasm; you’re less skilled at sexual pleasure than her previous lover(s); you’re not interested in having sex as often as she desires it.

To ward off the chances of women cheating due to sexual dissatisfaction, make sure to openly discuss your sex life with each other. Don’t assume that she’s completely satisfied just because you think she reaches orgasm. There is always room for improvement, so try not to let your ego get in the way here. Find out what she likes, what she doesn’t like, and what she wants you to improve upon. Also, avoid getting defensive as she tries to communicate her sexual needs to you. It’s important for a woman to know that you are dedicated to satisfying her and that you’re open to suggestions. Isn’t it better that she tells you what she wants rather than sneaking around to get it from someone else?

In addition to cheating, there are many reasons that relationships fail. You can’t possibly get all the answers from one article. I hope you’ll come back to the site often for more tips on how to fix your relationship problems before it’s too late.

The Truth About Bringing Up the Past in Relationships

In the heat of an argument, it’s tempting to bring up the past, to revert to what happened last week, last month, or even last year.  How many reasons can you think of to justify this behavior?
1) You can’t forget it.
2) It helps you to get your point across.
3) It happens over and over again.

The reasons, or justifications, go on and on.  Can you not use those same reasons to reach into the past and pull out the good times?

As lovers, spouses, significant others; the future you build together includes the past you’ve experienced. If you must regularly reach back into that past, look not just for mistakes and failures.

Don’t discredit your partner and your relationship by looking only at the rainy days, the pain, the times that threatened to tear you apart.  Look for the experiences that brought you closer together, those that remind you why you fell in love in the first place.

Instead of throwing the painful past in the face of your beloved, spend more time appreciating all that creates and strengthens your bond.  This is not only fair, this is love.  This is love in action.

The past is behind you and it cannot be changed, yet times come when you may use it for reference.  Make sure you do so with a sense of fairness, love and balance.  Make sure that your purpose is in alignment with what you hope to accomplish.

If you want to harm, manipulate or shame your mate in an attempt to win an argument, this is not love.  The purpose here is not in alignment with love, therefore nothing loving will come of it.

If, on the other hand, you want to cultivate harmony and understanding, first do so within yourself.  First, recall what is important and dear to your heart.  Weigh that recollection against the importance of shining light on the painful past.  Is it worth the bad seeds you will sow?  Will it help your relationship or create more resentment? Most important of all, can you find a better way to accomplish the real goal?

Relationships are not easy, there is no denying that.  Mistakes will be made, unkind words will be spoken and tears will be shed.  Holding tightly to these tough times, preparing to use them as ammunition against the one you love, makes a healthy relationship impossible.

If you want to keep an accounting of something, let it be the laughs, the surprises, the kisses, the milestones. Let it be those times that reveal the glue, which holds your two hearts as one.

Reminisce, celebrate and recreate love in action.

5 Reasons Why Men Cheat & How to Keep Your Man From Cheating

In marriages and committed relationships, most of us expect the obvious: commitment. Unfortunately, even after vowing to forsake all others, many people cheat. Countless studies and real life experiences tell us that men are more likely to cheat than women. That’s no big secret! However, the reasons why men cheat remain a mystery to most of us.

Well, there’s some good news: There are some things you can do to help keep your man from cheating on you. The key is to understand the answer to the question, “Why do men cheat?”

Before you read this list of reasons why men cheat, let’s make one thing clear. If your man cheats on you, it is not your fault. It is ultimately his responsibility to keep “it” in his pants. These tips on how to keep your man from cheating on you can simply help you to help him do what he should do anyway.

With that disclaimer out of the way, lets move on to look at some of the reasons why men cheat.

Reasons Why Men Cheat

1. Immaturity

For the immature man, cheating is often the result of a lack of self control and a sense of entitlement. He may feel that he deserves multiple women, thus he doesn’t even try to be a loyal husband or boyfriend.

Such a man may cheat on his wife or girlfriend no matter what she says or does. He is too immature and irresponsible to understand (or even care) about the damaging effects of his infidelity. He’s also not man enough to admit his unwillingness to commit, thus you’ll have to catch him red-handed. The only tip for a woman who’s dating Mr. Immature is to “kick him to the curve.” This guy is an STD-risk and a threat to your emotional well-being. Don’t waste your time.

2. Feelings of Inadequacy

Another of the reasons men cheat because they feel insecure or somehow inadequate. Although they may not tell you that they need to hear words of validation, many men secretly yearn for it. A guy who is usually faithful may be tempted to cheat on you if he’s feeling inadequate. A bit of flattering attention from another woman may stroke his ego in a way that he finds simply irresistible. Don’t leave this hole in your relationship.

If your man seems macho, confident, or even cocky, it’s still a good idea to let him know what you love about him. Don’t wait on another woman to come along and tell him the all the things he’s dying to hear. If you like the way he looks or smells, tell him. If he’s a good provider and protector, tell him.

For some men, the feelings of inadequacy are so out of control that no amount of ego stroking will keep him from cheating on you. This type of man uses multiple women to distract him from his extreme insecurities. It’s important for you to remember that you can only do so much. If you do your best to show him that you admire and appreciate him, the rest is up to him.

3. The Challenge

Many men love a challenge-a bit of a chase. When a woman seems unattainable, she is interesting. When she is not giving in to him, making him work for her affections, she captivates him. Men who love a challenge will get bored quickly with an easy, spineless woman.

If you’re a “Yes girl” once you’re in a committed relationship, this may be a recipe for infidelity. By not giving in to his every whim, you can keep a man interested and prevent him from cheating. Make sure he knows that, although you love him, you will not be walked on. Let him know that he will always have to be diligent in order to keep you. A strong, confident woman is very interesting and attractive to most men. Be that woman so he doesn’t cheat on you in order to find her.

4. Sexual Frustration

Most women assume that the reason men cheat is just for the sex. That’s usually not the whole story, but sexual frustration can be a factor. As time passes in relationships, the quantity (or quality) of sex may change. He wants sex-you have a headache. He wants sex-you’re too tired. He wants sex-you unenthusiastically give in. He wants oral sex-you’re not into that.

Men naturally think about sex more than most women and suppressing their desires is extremely difficult. Blame the testosterone for that. If you don’t want your husband or boyfriend to feed his sexual urges with other women, reduce the chances of this happening by keeping him satisfied. Have your hormones checked if your libido is extremely low. Don’t just dismiss the notion that a healthy sex life is important to prevent infidelity.

When it comes to sex in relationships, it’s not all about how often you do it. Even if you have sex everyday, sexual frustration can arise when you and your man aren’t interested in the same types of sexual acts.

It’s best to find out early on what a man likes sexually; therefore, you can pass on the relationship opportunity if you are not sexually compatible. If you’re sexually conservative, don’t bother getting involved with a man who loves anal sex, role play, BDSM, or other non-traditional forms of pleasure. Choose a man whose needs you are willing to satisfy-and do it. If you wait until post-commitment to tell him that you’re not open to his favorite sexual acts, he’ll become so sexually frustrated that it will be hard to keep him from cheating on you.

5. Escape from Reality

Passion, fire, and excitement abound in new relationships. Unfortunately, a lot of this dwindles away after getting married, having kids, or remaining in a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, one of the reasons men cheat is that those magical sparks stop flying. This is especially common when couples begin to have kids. Instead of long vacations, nights on the town, and frequent sex, life becomes all about dirty diapers, temper tantrums and extra stress. This is a bad time to add the trauma of infidelity to the problems in a relationship, but some men seek to escape the reality of their changing lives.

To keep your man faithful as life changes so drastically, keep the communication channels open. Discuss the changes that you’re facing and how you both plan to deal with them. Furthermore, do not let life become completely about work, kids, and household chores. Your marriage or relationship should also be a top priority and it is important that you make it so. Schedule date nights, talk openly and continually relight the flame between you two. No matter how you choose to do it, remember to show the man you love that your life with him is an equally important part of your reality.

Getting Over Infidelity in Marriages: How to Save the Relationship After an Affair

Infidelity in marriages is one of the worst forms of betrayal.  Sadly, couples often can’t figure out the difficult task of getting over infidelity, so it is also one of the leading reasons for divorce all over the world.

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Let’s take a look at why infidelity surviving seems so impossible. Marriage is designed to be the sacred union of two people vowing to love, cherish, honor and respect each other for the rest of their lives.  It is one of the most difficult things to overcome when a husband or wife decides to break that promise with the deceit, dishonor and careless disregard that come with infidelity in marriage.

Emotional Cheating and Infidelity in Marriages

There is much that can be done to save a marriage from infidelity, and even to save the marriage after an affair.  Starting with the former, it’s important to define infidelity in a way that both partners understand.

Infidelity in marriages is not limited to what happens when a spouse has a physical relationship with someone else.  It often comes in forms that appear much more innocent.  In order for marriage to work, two people must maintain their commitment both physically and mentally.  Unfortunately, this is not the case for the millions of people who engage in emotional cheating.

Emotional cheating is what happens when a spouse begins to share parts of his or her life and become emotionally intimate with someone outside of the marriage.  Because it is much easier to hide, infidelity in marriages often starts with this form of cheating.  It may be so subtle that a person can even fool their self into believing they are doing nothing wrong.

Some examples of emotional cheating are: Complaining about your spouse to someone you’re attracted to, staying after work to engage in flirty moments with a co-worker, telling your sexual fantasies to someone online, secretly getting to know someone you just met.  There are so many examples, but the basic premise is that you begin to share with someone a connection that you wouldn’t quite want your spouse to know about. If the emotional cheating goes on, it may result in taking things to the next level: a husband or wife having an affair.

Getting Over Infidelity in Marriages

On one hand, having an affair is easier than it’s ever been in history.  Work and other obligations cause couples to spend more time a part, which may create time, opportunity and temptation for a marriage affair.  With all of the technology available, there’s also email, chat rooms, and mobile phones around to make cheating easier.  Nonetheless, the prevalence of opportunities is not a justification; and it doesn’t change the immense difficulty of getting over infidelity in marriages.

So, is infidelity surviving really possible?  Is there hope after getting caught having an affair or after finding out about your husband/wife having an affair?  Absolutely!

Physical and emotional cheating are devastating obstacles for marriage, but they are not undefeatable. Before you give up, try these 3 tips to save the marriage.

How to Save Marriage After an Affair

1. The first thing to do after an affair is to talk honestly with each other about what went wrong.  In most cases, this will require involving a third party such as a counselor or minister.

Infidelity in marriages doesn’t just happen out of the blue in some perfect relationship, so find out what the problems are that need to be fixed.  The cheating spouse needs to take full responsibility for breaking the marriage vows, but both partners need to work together on relationship repair and moving forward.  Hang in there with relationship counseling and keep the communication lines open.

2. The next step in infidelity surviving is to work on recreating the element of trust.  This is the most difficult part.  Having an affair is like saying aloud, “You absolutely cannot trust me.”  There is no quick and easy way to come back from this, but patience and dedication to showing trustworthiness is the starting point.

The cheating spouse needs to understand that this will take time, therefore he or she must accept that the distrust is 100% warranted for quite some time after an affair.  As emotional healing takes place and the cheater shows proof of credibility, everything will change for the better.

3. The final solution to getting over infidelity in marriages is to recommit to each other.  This means starting anew with a fresh start.

In whatever ways you have taken each other for granted, make peace with it and wipe the slate clean.  This won’t be easy at first, but it is definitely possible after following the first 2 steps.

It’s important to realize that in order to save the marriage, you must let go of resentment and stop dwelling on the past.  Treat each other better than you ever have, make more time for each other and keep the intimacy strong between you.

If two people love one another, anything is possible. You have every reason in the world to believe that this also applies to getting over infidelity in marriage and creating a relationship that’s even stronger after an affair.

How to Improve a Relationship That’s Falling Apart

improve a relationship pic

Save Your Relationship

Are you wondering how to improve a relationship?  Maybe you’re starting to think it’s too late and that your broken relationship is doomed for life. Well, don’t give up yet!  With patience, determination and a good plan; saving a relationship is more doable than you think.

Now, I’m sure you’ve tried in the past.  Most people do everything they can think of to prevent a breakup or divorce. They put all of their energy into fixing the relationship, yet things keep getting worse and worse.  Apologies lead to guilt; attempts to talk lead to arguments. Clearly, when you don’t know how to improve a relationship, anything you try may push your partner farther away.

Instead of losing all hope, you can use relationship repair techniques that actually work.  You can learn to apply the ingenious ideas of experts for saving a relationship that’s on the brink of disaster.  Are you ready to get started with 5 simple steps?

How to Improve a Relationship

Relationships move through several phases.  The honeymoon phase is the beginning.  It’s the period of time when both people are on their best behavior, excitement is high and attraction is even higher.  The newness is so thrilling that you just can’t get enough of each other.  You like what you’ve seen so far and you’re highly anticipating what comes next.  You enjoy spending time together and the last thing you want to do is to push each other away.

This “lovers high” slowly tapers off over time, but it doesn’t ever have to vanish completely. You can build a special, loving, life-long bond from the fragments of your broken relationship by doing one thing: keeping each other interested. That’s the simple solution to the mystery of how to improve a relationship that’s falling apart; and the steps below will fill in all the juicy details.

Saving a Relationship – 5 Steps Forward

1) Discovery. The most fun times in life are those when we are exploring something that’s new and fresh to us. First steps, new jobs, graduations, unexpected prizes, weddings.  An important element of saving a relationship is to keep the discovery going. No matter how long you’re with someone, keep exploring each other and the world around you.  Notice the changes that you both make as you learn, grow and evolve. Do new and exciting things as a couple. Travel, see the world, meet new friends, take classes, hang out in new places. Constant discovery equals constantly improving your relationship.

2) Space. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, so don’t be afraid to miss each other sometimes. As important as it is to discover and rediscover life together, it’s also important to enjoy time apart.  If you smother each other, you’ll eventually grow tired and annoyed with each other. Keep this in mind as a reminder to maintain your individuality.

Taking time for yourself helps you to grow as an individual, which makes you an easier person to have a relationship with. Spending quality time alone with friends and family allows you to nurture the important bonds you should always have outside of your love relationship.  We can refer to all of this as “space.”  It’s time apart from your partner that goes along way toward improving your relationship as a whole.

3) Appreciation. You may think your partner knows that you love and appreciate them; but that’s not good enough.  Make sure to say it, show it, and reiterate it time and time again. This is one of the simplest, yet easily overlooked, examples of how to improve a relationship. Think back to when you first met. What did you do to show your interest and enthusiasm? Whatever it was, keep it up and maybe even take it up a notch.

Call just to say hi, send a card or flowers, plan an awesome date, say please and thank you.  Remember, saving a relationship isn’t just about staying together. It’s about staying happy together. Nobody is happy when they feel unappreciated.

4) Attraction. The way we look will absolutely change as years go by; but that doesn’t mean we can’t remain attractive.  Do your best to take care of yourself, mind and body, rather than letting yourself go once you’re in a relationship.  A self-confident person who loves himself or herself enough to treat their body with love has a type of appeal that is absolutely timeless.  Working out and eating a balanced diet will keep you looking and feeling good. In turn, you’ll have a better attitude and approach to life.  Such benefits definitely trickle down to your mate.

5) Communication. One of the reasons we get all warm and tingly inside when spending time with a new love is because it’s so easy to enjoy each others’ company. Conversation is light, non-threatening and enjoyable.  It’s a relief that we look forward to with every ring of the phone.  Why not continue communicating with your mate in this way?

If you remain someone who your mate looks forward to talking to, you won’t worry so much about how to improve a relationship.  Now don’t get me wrong. There is a certain amount of seriousness that is necessary.  You can’t avoid discussing important things like finances, kids, chores and work.  However, don’t get stuck there. Always make time to listen, joke and laugh. Make time to discuss your hopes, dreams and fantasies instead of just the requirements and obligations in life.