When you cheat on your partner the fallout can be terrible and you have to deal with feeling guilty and deal with the hurt and anger that you have caused your partner. The great thing is that there is still a chance to heal after the cheat has happened.
Professionals have said that healing from a cheating partner can be complicated and there are three steps that most couples go through the first being to work through the feelings, the second is to decide if you are going to stay in the relationship or quit it and the last one is rebuilding the relationship. Even though infidelity can be hard on marriage, some marriages can survive it.
Here are some steps to take so you can try to save your relationship.
Recognize the Betrayal
The hardest part of recovering from cheating is because it is a level of betrayal that causes people to have deep pain. Your partner will feel the impact of the betrayal for years and cheating could even cause your partner post-traumatic stress.
Cheating is when you take what is supposed to be your partners and you give it to someone else. When they find out this is the fact, they will be heartbroken because they think that they are important. When there is a major betrayal, the persons brain can do weird things and it can cause the person to not be able to do anything but think about the betrayal.
Having cheated on your partner can cause them to have sleeping problems, to be obsessed and to not be able to put their emotions in check.
Why the Affair Happened
Cheating is not something that just happens, it is something that happens after someone feels neglected or bored or angry. The problem is though, you cannot push the blame to other people, but you have to figure out why you cheated and why you felt like you needed someone new in your life.
You cannot just tell your partner that you were not happy, they need to know why you decided to cheat and doing this is the only way that you can build back trust with your partner.
Say You’re Sorry
You have to say you are sorry and mean it when you give an apology. You might think that your partner knows that you are sorry, but you have to tell them that and you have to be able to show that you are regretful. You should never point fingers and blame your partner for your cheating, and you need to let them know that you are truly sorry and that you will never do it again.
Some psychologists suggest that you write a letter saying how sorry that you are. A letter can help you to remember what you need to say and allow you to get it all out. This is a way your partner can read over and over again what you wanted to express to them.
Don’t Talk to Who You Cheated With
Your partner will never be able to trust you again if you are still talking to the person that you cheated with. You have to use actions and not just words to prove that you are sorry and that you have changed. If you want to let the relationship heal, you have to prove that you are about the relationship and not about someone else.
Always be honest when your partner asks about your cheating. Don’t try to hide things or try to lie about what happened. If your partner wants details, do not lie and do not leave out information.
Make sure you are completely honest so that you can rebuild trust. It is important that you have no further lies or deception for your partner.
Make New Boundaries
It is important that you sit down with your partner and make new boundaries even if there weren’t any there before. One reason that you had problems with your relationship is because you broke boundaries that you had with them before.
When your spouse asks you about your affair, you have to be honest and you have to make sure that you are willing to discuss the relationship if your partner asks you about it. You always need to make sure that there are guidelines when you talk to your partner such as not talking when you are drinking or not talking if it is going to cause a fight. Both you and your partner need to have new boundaries.
Let Them Hurt
Things will not be normal immediately after your partner finds out you have cheated. It will take time for them to figure out what has happened and to work through the hurt. You need to give them time to grieve and time to heal from the pain of the affair.
You cannot expect your partner to open up to you immediately and they will make you pay for what you did, let them have time to get over their hurt and their feelings of revenge.
Don’t Expect No Resistance
Your partner will be angry and will be hurt when they find out that you have cheated. They might talk bad to you and it is more than likely that things will seem uncomfortable for a while. You have to allow your partner to feel angry and to get their emotions lined out.
Your partner will be angry and sad and will have strong emotions. Do not be mad or react to their emotions negatively. Allow your partner to have these feelings and to work through them.
Work on Intimacy
It is hard to get things back to normal after you have cheated on your partner. It takes time to reconnect emotionally and physically. Figure out why you want to be in the relationship with your partner and remind yourself of all of the positive things that you have with your partner.
Find out why you feel connected with your partner and what you can do to try to fix the relationship that is broken from the affair.
Forgive each other of any emotions and feelings that you or your partner might have. Try to move forward and try to get rid of your hurt feelings. Try to not blame each other for the problems in the relationship and take responsibility for what you have done.
Time will decide if you are able to work things out or not. Let you and your partner have time to work things out and to work through the hurt and pain.