Category Archives: Love Advice

What is True Love?

“The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain.”
~Marvin Jay M. Torres

true love

What is True Love?

Many optimistic lovers expect to live happily ever after in the pure bliss of infatuation disguised as new love.  What a marvelous flight of fantasy—obstructed only by reality.  Love is bliss and that joy should be a part of every relationship.  But that’s definitely not all there is.

“What is True Love?” you ask

True love is about more than romantic gestures and having someone to cuddle up with at night.  It’s not just butterflies in your stomach and waiting by the phone for your lover’s call.  True love is something even greater than every dreamy date, passionate kiss and happy moment you can see in your mind’s eye.  It is what’s left over when they are gone.

Where can you find true love?  The answers to that question are infinite.  True love can be found in the silent pause that holds back a hurtful truth.  It’s in the strength that it takes to choose what’s best for someone else, even if it’s not what you want for yourself.  It’s in the beauty still seen when every trace of what’s accepted as beautiful has ceased to exist.

True love is in the comfort of a touch when the right words just can’t be found.  It’s in the willingness to forgive and the effort to forget. It’s in the support, understanding and commitment that keeps two people holding on when it’s much easier to let go.  And then there are times when true love is found behind the tear-filled eyes that walk away when every selfish desire wants desperately to stay.

The next time you stage your lips to utter the words, “I love you,” remember to show that love in every choice you make.

To give your beloved beautiful flowers is amazing, but it will never compare to treating them as a beautiful flower.  The same is true of diamonds, gold and anything you may treasure.  To love someone is to recognize their immeasurable value and the fragility of their heart.  Even on the darkest days, when facing the toughest decisions, let love guide you in the right direction.

Playing Fair: Your Way Is Not the Only Way

love advice

Love Advice on Playing Fair, Change, and Expectations

In case you haven’t yet found out the hard way, expecting your significant other to do or say things the way you would is a recipe for disaster. You try and you try and you try; but for some odd reason there is no real change.

Truthfully, the reason isn’t that odd at all. The reason is because she or he is not you.  Each person in a healthy relationship is a separate but equal individual.

A lifetime of influences have shaped you into the person you are today—outgoing or introverted, ultra-sensitive or thick-skinned, stubborn or submissive, expressive or composed.  However, unless you only want a healthy relationship with yourself, you’ll need to accept that your way is not necessarily the right way and it’s definitely not the only way.

Various elements of your personality drive your expectations; and, if you’re not careful, your expectations can drive your mate right out of your arms.

If your boyfriend doesn’t hold you or say “I love you” enough, there are a few ways to look at it.  You can assume that he’s not that into you, he’s negligent, he’s not ready for love, he’s emotionally unavailable, etc.  With such an outlook, you likely do one or more of the following:

  1. Breakup  the relationship
  2. Try to change him
  3. Nag him until he really does fall out of love with you
  4. Feel miserable and unloved
  5. Cause constant arguments
  6. Lead him to feel unaccepted

But why not consider that the reasons for his actions (or inactions) are a lot less personal.  Maybe he’s just not the touchy feely or lovey dovey type.  Maybe it’s difficult for him to show affection because of his upbringing.  Maybe he’s worried that you’ll think he’s too soft.

The list of maybes could go on forever, but your best bet is to openly communicate. Be careful though.  There is a huge difference between talking with someone and talking to someone.  So, don’t substitute “communication” with verbal assaults or insults to your mate’s “flawed” personality.  What seems to you like a flaw in your mate may actually be a reflection of what you need to improve in yourself.

Maybe you’re more emotionally needy and touchy-feely than he’s comfortable with.  Maybe you don’t recognize the many ways that he tries to show his love for you.  Maybe you’re being too demanding by trying to turn him into you.  Maybe you could be more understanding.  Again, the list of maybes could go on forever; but the bottom line is to alter (not lower) your expectations and to take responsibility for your role in the relationship’s issues.

If you love someone, don’t give up hope just because you have differences.  Treat each other with compassion and patience rather than judgment and intolerance.  Look for the opportunity to better yourself before you try to change someone else. Change is hard and sometimes the only thing that really needs to change is your attitude.