In the heat of an argument, it’s tempting to bring up the past, to revert to what happened last week, last month, or even last year. How many reasons can you think of to justify this behavior?
1) You can’t forget it.
2) It helps you to get your point across.
3) It happens over and over again.
The reasons, or justifications, go on and on. Can you not use those same reasons to reach into the past and pull out the good times?
As lovers, spouses, significant others; the future you build together includes the past you’ve experienced. If you must regularly reach back into that past, look not just for mistakes and failures.
Don’t discredit your partner and your relationship by looking only at the rainy days, the pain, the times that threatened to tear you apart. Look for the experiences that brought you closer together, those that remind you why you fell in love in the first place.
Instead of throwing the painful past in the face of your beloved, spend more time appreciating all that creates and strengthens your bond. This is not only fair, this is love. This is love in action.
The past is behind you and it cannot be changed, yet times come when you may use it for reference. Make sure you do so with a sense of fairness, love and balance. Make sure that your purpose is in alignment with what you hope to accomplish.
If you want to harm, manipulate or shame your mate in an attempt to win an argument, this is not love. The purpose here is not in alignment with love, therefore nothing loving will come of it.
If, on the other hand, you want to cultivate harmony and understanding, first do so within yourself. First, recall what is important and dear to your heart. Weigh that recollection against the importance of shining light on the painful past. Is it worth the bad seeds you will sow? Will it help your relationship or create more resentment? Most important of all, can you find a better way to accomplish the real goal?
Relationships are not easy, there is no denying that. Mistakes will be made, unkind words will be spoken and tears will be shed. Holding tightly to these tough times, preparing to use them as ammunition against the one you love, makes a healthy relationship impossible.
If you want to keep an accounting of something, let it be the laughs, the surprises, the kisses, the milestones. Let it be those times that reveal the glue, which holds your two hearts as one.
Reminisce, celebrate and recreate love in action.