Love, as you know, is the glue that holds healthy relationships together. But how can someone love you without knowing you? It may seem like a silly question, but this is the exact scenario created when you are not yourself in the beginning stages of a relationship.
It’s normal to want everything to go right when you feel the magnetic pull of chemistry with someone new. But if you’re not being yourself, you’re merely creating the illusion of everything going right.
Healthy relationships are never built on a foundation of false pretenses, deception, delusion and confusion. They are built on integrity, respect, acceptance, and sincerity. Most important healthy relationships include two people who truly know each other, and love each other notwithstanding imperfections.
Instead of trying to make sure everything is perfect—just do a perfect job of being yourself. The right one for you wouldn’t have it any other way. If you hate that he smokes, don’t hold your breath and act as if it’s okay. If she adores cats as much as you hate them; don’t pretend to fall in love with her little FeFe. Don’t dance to his favorite music while secretly hating it; don’t deny your desire to socialize because she’s into the homebody type.
After expressing your true thoughts, feelings, likes and dislikes; you may or may not end up in a relationship with the person who’s caught your eye. More importantly, however, you will save yourself from a miserable relationship and a broken heart down the road.
The one who falls in love with the fake you may not stick around when the real you surfaces. So, find the guy who likes your dog and (at least) finds your taste in music tolerable. He’s the same guy who accepts your moody ways and thinks you’re beautiful without your make-up on.
Find the girl who doesn’t mind spending her Friday nights drinking beer at your junky bachelor pad. She’s the same girl who laughs at your jokes because they’re corny, not because she’s acting.
You can waste your time doing things you don’t like, pretending to be someone you are not; but this is not the stuff that loving, healthy relationships are made of. If you want true love, first allow yourself to be discovered. That means being comfortable enough with whom you are to be yourself with everyone you meet. You’ll quickly find out that there was no reason to hide in the first place.
