Loving someone can be both simple and complicated. The feelings you have for the other person is the simple part. You love them. However, actually showing love to them can be the complicated part.
In the modern world, there are many people who come from broken families. It could be their parents are divorced or perhaps they were foster children. They could have been abused or neglected. One or both of their parents have addiction problems. There are many different scenarios that come into play.
You shouldn’t back off because you discover this great, new person has a broken family. They are still worthy to be loved. It just may take some different methods to reach them with love.
Here are some things you need to know about loving someone from a broken family:
- Trust doesn’t come easily. Chances are their parents have lied, whether deliberately or unintentionally, to them over the years. They promised to come to a play or awards banquet, but failed to show. They may have showed up drunk at school when they promised they would be sober. Years of broken promises and a sense of abandonment makes a person extremely skeptical. Be patient in building your trust. Make sure you can fulfill any promise made to them and take everything you promise seriously.
- They think they are undeserving of love. Many from complex family situations feel like they are broken or damaged. They can’t understand why someone from a “normal” family would be interested in them. Worse, they feel like it won’t last once you find out more about their youth or hangups. Make them feel worthy of love. Don’t push them to change. Let them know they are great just the way they are.
- They won’t reveal much about themselves during the early stages of dating. This goes back to trust issues. They want to know you are going to accept them before they reveal anything about themselves. Don’t ask too many questions and keep questions open-ended casual ones. Let them reveal themselves at their own pace.
- They are fiercely independent. They won’t ask you for help, may not call you for several days, and resent you implying they need help early in the relationship. That’s because they grew up on their own without parents or family members guiding or helping them. They had to figure it out all on their own. Likely, they don’t feel like anyone will want to help them. Let them know you are there for them, but don’t push. Eventually, they will ask for your help after they learn to trust you.
- They will put off meeting your family. People from broken families feel uncomfortable around traditional families. They feel like they will be judged and really aren’t sure how to act. It is completely outside their comfort zone. Explain to your family that your love interest needs space and acceptance.
- Arguments will go one of two ways. Either your beloved will argue with every ounce of passion in their being or they will completely shut down. This can depend on their personality and previous life experience, but be prepared either way.
- Once they fall in love, they open up about everything. This can feel a bit overwhelming, like an avalanche of emotion and information rushing down on you. They truly have been wanting to share for a while, but held back. Now, the floodgates are open! They will also let you know exactly what they expect out of the relationship and a home life if you decide to marry.
- Marriage is an awkward topic. It makes them feel really uncomfortable because it involves both a mutual dependence and trust. It is a huge step for them. They are likely a little fearful too. Those fears include thoughts you may back out before the big day or that they may disappoint you as a spouse since you came from a “normal” family. Talk about their fears openly and be understanding. Agree that marriage could bring some disappointment on both sides and make a plan to work through it.
- The wedding day is the happiest day of their life. This is a day they never thought would happen because they never really believed they were worthy of love and commitment. This is their chance to have the family they always wanted. Understand just how special this day is for them and let them shine!
- They make excellent parents. People from broken families tend to analyze their situations because they want to figure out how they would do things differently. They are also prone to read a lot of motivation and self-help books in an effort to get it right. They are extremely dedicated and thoughtful parents.
Loving someone from a broken family may be unfamiliar territory and can have its own set of ups and downs, but these are people who are wise beyond their years. They are incredibly caring and loving when you show love to them. The are also loyal and committed to the relationship, They will never give up on you!
