It can be extremely frustrating to be in love when the other person refuses to commit to you. It may leave you feeling undesirable or even unwanted when your man cannot offer the same love you are giving him already. It feels like he is not putting in even half the effort you are because he cannot see how great your future could be together. It can be torture to keep thinking about whether things will work out or if a future exists. You may even question whether he is just waiting for something better or if he actually loves you. It is hurtful and confusing each time he avoids a conversation on commitment, even if just through excuses. Still, you hold out hope that he will eventually commit sometime in the future. If you are thinking about these things, it is likely he is happy with the way things are at the moment and unwilling to be “committed.” There could be a million reasons why. The most important thing to remember is that you are not at fault for his lack of commitment. It is not about you as a person and you can save heartbreak if you do not take it personally.
You cannot control what another person does, but you can control your reactions. The reason he gives for a lack of commitment is largely irrelevant. Listen to what he is saying, the message he is not willing to commit is clear. The excuses are just to soften the blow, but the message remains. Too many women make the mistake of trying to change themselves so they will be worthy of a commitment. Magazines often feed the idea that you need to change to be the ideal woman that is worthy, that you must wedge yourself into his interests, hobbies, and life. The truth is that a guy cannot be forced into anything and if you try, he is likely to run. Trying to force a commitment causes pressure and obligation which are feelings he then associates with you. So, step back, take a deep breath and know that the only way to motivate a commitment is to remember you do not have one at the moment.
Instead of obsessing over some wanted grand gesture of commitment, enjoy the time you spend together. A guy will focus on the good and positive feelings he has while you are together. Do not try to convince him you would be the perfect girlfriend or that you would have the perfect life together. This is a waste of time. The harsh reality is that if the guy says he does not want a commitment, even if it comes with a decent excuse, he really does not want to commit. This is not a challenge to overcome or a game, it is his true feelings. Rethink what you want. Do you want he title on a relationship or happiness? Which brings the most security? The guy will always choose a happy relationship over a title. Do not expect him to change, just accept things as they are. When you rely on the title for happiness, you cannot truly enjoy the relationship as it is. You end up dependent on what should be while ignoring the happiness that is in front of you. This can sabotage any future for your relationship.
There are no quick fixes to why he is not ready to commit. If you are happy with how things are, title or not, then stay, if not, go. When you can be happy about the way things are, the pressure is removed for a commitment and it actually makes him a bit more likely to make things official. However, is status is all you want, you will be disappointed. When he is ready, you will be the first to know.
